O.k. I don't know what's wrong with my account. The only way I can figure out how it won't cut off my post is to write it in a message to someone, instead of posting family news. So I'll chose my sister, but this is to the whole family. Anyone who is reading this. So Donna Summerlin called me yesterday, through talking to her I found out about this "gathering" that has been planned for next Sunday in memory of my dad. I have been talking to some different members of our family, and I have tried to get ahold of Uncle George and Auntie Sharon this morning. Maybe they are at church, I'll keep trying. Since Donna told me this yesterday, I have been thinking about it all day and it is TEARING ME UP. There is NO WAY I would NOT want to be at a prayer service, memorial, luncheon, for my dad. It is not a matter of getting there. Whenever my dad was sick, I was on the first flight down there. I would go to the ends of the earth. That's not the issue. If there is any kind of service for my dad, his kids and grandkids should be there. That would mean that we have one week to get Texas, Florida, Indiana, and Minnesota airlines tickets and be there. That's not really even the issue either. I'd do it all in a heartbeat. The bigger issue is, that is exactly what my dad DID NOT WANT. It is wrong to have a service, formal or informal, without his kids and grandkids, but more than that, it is wrong to have a service for my dad when he specifically told me that he knew that was what the family would want to do, and he specifically told me that he did not want that and made me promise him that I was going to do exactly what he asked and not let anyone change it. I understand the family, his brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, need for closure and to say goodbye. I am his daughter, does ANYONE think that I DON'T understand that? More than anyone, I think about Gram. She is his mother. I called and spoke to her yesterday, and she is under the impression that this service has been or should be cancelled. Her words to me were that people don't have the facts, and that Tom told Jennifer one week before he passed that he did not want this kind of thing to be allowed to happen. Her feelings on this are most important to me, next to my dad's. I want everybody to understand, it's not what I want, it's not "Jennifer said". It's not me. It's HIM. I have my own ideas on what I think would be nice, what would be comforting to me, or what I would like, but it's not about me. It's about my dad. Just for the record, Grandma said she would like for his name to be mentioned in memory of him at mass on Sunday and thats it. I am asking any and everybody who is involved in this to PLEASE NOT DO THIS. Please try and understand the position this puts his kids and grandkids in, and other members of the family who don't feel right about it either. My suggestion was, this thing is planned TWO DAYS before Gram's birthday, why can't there just be a birthday party for Gram, surround here, SHE IS STILL HERE, why do a service for my dad that he didn't even want, when everyone could be getting together for Gram's birthday. Everyone could be together, the family and friends could come together, maybe eveyone could find some pictures of my dad and put them in an albumn and give them to her as a birthday gift. She would love that. Gram is still here with us, and she is not going to be here forever. She's probably not going to have ten more birthdays. Also, another thing you may not know. I know this service is for the family, not for my dad, but it is important to know, that my dad did not want a priest or deacon to pray for him. When I was there in the hospital with him the week before he passed, he called Cook and asked for him to arrange for my dad to receive a blessing. My dad didn't ask me, he didn't ask for the chaplain or a priest, for whatever reason, he asked Cook (my husband) to arrange for it, and Cook did what my dad asked. I wasn't even there at the time. My dad was annointed and given a blessing before he passed on. That's what he wanted, and that's what he got. I don't know if that is a concern or reason why a deacon has to conduct a prayer service in a church instead of Uncle George doing it, like I was under the impression was going to happen. But you all should know that. Whether his kids or grandkids would go to this thing, or not, we would not feel good about it either way. Other members of the family feel the same. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, I dont' want to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. It means a lot to me the love and care that people have for my dad, and how the family wants to come together and do this. But it goes against my dad's wishes, not mine, and it puts his kids, grandkids, and other members of his family in a VERY difficult and hurtful position. Please cancel this service and maybe have a birthday party for Gram. Please just have Uncle George or someone else in the family say a prayer at someone in the family's house or something more like that. I love you guys and I love my dad. This is about him, and his wishes are more important in this situation. Believe me - me, Cook, and Joseph, as well as my brother and sister and their kids, have had to deal with it and grieve and mourn in our own ways, and it is difficult as it is, to say the least. This is very upsetting all over again. Love, Jen
